FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
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You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Drunk is a universal language darling
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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