Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
40s are totally the cure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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