Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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