The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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