im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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