i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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