Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
