I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize