When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
