I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
