i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
