Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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