where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
