wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
