I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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