i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How does one acquire holy water?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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