Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it