he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip