Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science