im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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