I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize