And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.