i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER