it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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