i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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