1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
birth control should be required to get into college
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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