they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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