my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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