Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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