She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
accomplished twins. life is a go
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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