Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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