i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
