so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
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So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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