Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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