i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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