He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
