ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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