Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
