I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
