dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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