i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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