Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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