I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
