He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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