do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.