Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
