I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.