i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.