I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.