I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
