if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
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like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.