She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?