I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.