I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?