Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned