May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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