I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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