dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
